And then what?

Today is our one year anniversary – of moving to Phoenix – today, May 19, 2008 – one year ago we arrived with the 27′ Ryder truck tired and anxious, I was eager, more than eager – busting at the seams to GET IT ALL DONE. You know, unpack, clean, put things away, hang stuff on the walls – I want it all done in a weekend, no more. It took far longer than a weekend, took months. JP is not quick to make decisions – about anything. I am. Oh, the agony that was last year, I can still feel the anxiety and tension, the uncertantity and pure joy all churning inside me. And then things slowly started to happen, the furniture got moved around, I took a temp job, summer happened and then JP got a job, I quit mine and went back to freelancing, more furniture got moved, the place got painted, we hung artwork, we bought some furniture, we ate, we slept, groceries were purchased and laundry was washed and some things got done. 

This morning I got an email from my friends who recently moved from Minnesota out to California – they arrived there May 4th – 15 days ago – and they are now sending out photos of their new place, WITH ALL THEIR STUFF PUT AWAY AND SORTED AND THINGS HANGING ON THE WALLS, oh, and they got new jobs already too. You know what this means? The are far better people at getting things done than JP and I are. I nearly cried. Oh for fucks sake!

There’s still so much to accomplish – the floors, the kitchen, the bathrooms. Oh? Just that? I just want it done. Done. So I can … be done with it. Done. I just want that finality of completion, the settled sense of satisfaction. And then the itch, the ache for something new to do, to learn, to then say “I can’t wait for this to be done.”  I realize I go in circles, repeating patterns, the same over and over and over. But don’t we all? Every day may be a new day, but we certainly are repeating the same pattern.  

This morning I read Blue Poppy…I read echos of what I’m saying here – There’s the desire to release the tension that comes with the desire to be done. That small amount of joyful satisfaction at completing something to a level of personal perfection, a WHEEE! I did it. I’m done sense.  And the desire for contemplative peace while knowing that tasks will get completed and objects purchased, accomplishments made and life will repeat itself. Finding the balance between the two – starting with not beating yourself up because you didn’t get done everything that you wanted to over the weekend, to just be pleased that life IS.

This weekend I made the first new bag prototype…a lined tote with a front pocket, one long strap, wears best across the body. This first version sports a repurposed web belt for the strap, vintage fabric from France, IKEA exterior fabric and stitching with French beads on the front. I’ve already made notes for modifications and have all my fabrics washed and ready to go – so let’s get doing, eh?   Detail shot on flickr…

Now go read Michelle…